Before your child walks, you will notice his growing awareness of his own body. As a developing infant, he will discover his eyes, nose, extremities, etc., and some parents become unnecessarily alarmed as the child shows awareness of his limbs. They are afraid that he will feel badly when he sees a difference. It is a comfort and help to know that the child's discoveries do not mean he is making value judgements about them, as he does not have the intellectual ability at this early stage to judge one thing as lesser than, or more than, another. They may be your thoughts, they are certainly not his. Keep in mind that your child did not experience the emotions that you experienced when he was born, and try not to complicate the answers to his sirnple questions. If the young child wants to know why he does not have a hand, he wants an answer and a truthful one. The simple truth is that he was born without a hand. He is not preoccupied with the need to know the reason.

Some children ask questions, while others do not. If your child does not, do not see this as a sign of emotional disturbance. Children's personalities vary, and some may not feel the need to question. Do show them, however, by your own receptive attitude, that you are open to questions. As children observe the world around them, they see trees and flowers grow, and they notice their own growth, so a natural fantasy is that the affected arm or hand may yet grow to be complete. If your child asks 'Will my arm grow?', you can explain to him that his arm will grow in size, just as he will get bigger all over, but that he will not grow a hand.

If you have other children, you may be concerned about how they will react to the missing limb of their brother or sister. Most parents find that siblings are able to accept the child with little difficulty, but again, be open to their questions and realise they too may have natural fantasies about growth.

We would like to thank Oarlene Talbot M.Sw. of the University of California for her permission to use text for this section from her booklet: The Child with a Limb Deficiency: A Guide for Parents'.